Ashley Cole.

If I Ran the world..............this tosser would have to be dealt with. Given that it is World Cup year, I would be willing to postpone any punishment until after that. However, this silly person needs his attitude sorting out.

There is absolutely no doubt that he is an incredibly talented footballer, one of the best defenders in the world and his presence at the world cup will be vital to our chances. Having said that, he typifies a lot of things that are wrong with todays footballers. He has that 'i don't give a shit who you are, I'm Ashley Cole and I earn £120,000 a week' attitude. For instance, take a look at his recent court case due to his speeding (103mph in a 40mph zone). He used the age old celebrity excuse of 'the paparazzi were chasing me' and suprisingly enough the judge did not believe him. He duly banned him from driving for 6 months and fined him approximately £1000 plus court costs (£300). Cole's lawyer then requested 'time to pay'. TIME TO PAY. He has the nerve to ask for time to pay, earning what he does. I would have thrown him in prison there and then, telling him he would be released as soon as the fine was paid.

Then there is the situation with his soon-to-be-ex wife. Cheryl is astonishingly fit and seems like a nice person, but ends up with a twat like him. I don't really need to say much on this subject other than: 'Who in the right mind would cheat on her?' Ashley Cole would, because he thinks he can get away with whatever he wants.

TOSSER.

Football Commentators and Pundits.

If I ran the world................there would be a serious upheaval in commentary and punditry, especially on terrestrial tv. John Motson needs to go home, he talks nothing but utter shit for most of the game that he is commentating on. A lot of the time he is just plain wrong, which to me is unforgivable. It shouldn't be a difficult job if you do your research. In a game he commentated on last season, he got Park Ji-Sung mixed up with Cristiano Ronaldo. Now even if you don't know much about football, I don't think I need to tell you that these two are not in the slightest bit similar, other than they both have heads. As for the pundits.........Mark Bright? Andy Townsend? Robbie Earle? Lets get a load of players who achieved absolutely jack shit in the game and let them say how Sir Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger and Fabio Capello should have done it differently. Sky should be allowed to monopolise football, things would be so much better that way.

The Kinks.

If I ran the world...........this band would be given far more credit. Ray Davies in particular, being the chief songwriter in the band. Unfortunately for this fantastically-English band, their career took off at the same time as The Beatles, The Rolling Stones and The Who (whom The Kinks are far superior to). Songs such as 'Waterloo Sunset', 'Come Dancing' and 'You Really Got Me' show Davies' superb ability to paint a picture for his audience. Even when his songs are laced with sarcasm and cynicism, they still have such an incredible amount of honesty that it's almost child-like. Fantastic songwriter, fantastic band.

The Eagles.

If I ran the world............I would have any record of this bands existence removed from history. What a complete load of non-sensical rubbish. Nursery rhymes with guitars. The phenomenal success that this band has enjoyed is completely baffling to me. However it is pretty damning evidence against American music in general, a perfect statement to support the old 'only in America' saying, because only in America would millions of buffoons buy these records. The band may be very clever, having a nouse for giving the people what they want. However i really do doubt this, because having listened to their lyrics, there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever to suggest they have the intelligence to pull this off.

Richard Hammond.

If I ran the world.............this guy would be removed from his role as Top Gear presenter. He is one annoying little shit. James May is effortlessly funny and Clarkson is funny in a number of ways, but Hammond makes far too much of an effort. Plus, why bother presenting a show about cars when the only ones you care about are Porsche? Have you read his books? What a load of balls they are! Constantly banging on about that crash.....TELL A NEW STORY! I cannot possibly respect a man who is the size of a very small child. Simply cannot be done.

Time Travelling.

If I ran the world...........I would travel back in time with the sole aim of finding out which arsehole it was that thought the 5-day working week was a good idea.
He or she needs punishing. I don't care if you think this is ridiculous. You're ridiculous.

Graham Norton.

If I ran the world..........this berk would be taken off the TV. He is not funny. Not in the slightest. He is completely de-void of any charisma and personality. The thing that annoys me the most is because of these failings I have previously stated, he relies completely on his sexuality, camping it up as much as possible because he thinks that equates to comedic ability. Pillock. Before anyone says "you could always change the channel", I believe that, given the title of this blog, it will be my job to clear up the things i believe to be shit. So he can piss right off!