Real Madrid.

Easily the most arrogant, ignorant and pompous bastards on the planet.

'Galacticos'? FUCK YOU and FUCK OFF. A load of superstar footballers put together to win...........not much. Zidane was a genius, one of the best ever, but Barcelona still won titles when he was there. Valencia were even successful, with Rafa Benitez in charge for god's sake. Granted, Real won more, but they weren't completely dominant, therefore failing to justify the gigantic (even by football's ludicrous standards) amount of money spent. This past year they have done the same again, with Florentino Perez back at the club as 'el presidente'.

I cannot stand this club. They show nothing but disrespect and disregard to every other club in the world, even the likes of Manchester United, Barcelona and Liverpool. These clubs are not just any old football clubs, they are clubs rich in history, with traditions of huge success. Real Madrid do not show any respect for any of this, because it seems they believe they are the only club that exists and matters.

Take their pursuit of Cristiano Ronaldo for example. The fact that they wanted to sign him is fair enough. He's an unbelievable player. It was clear that he wanted to sign for them. Yet they still refused to respect United's wish to keep hold of him for at least another year, a wish that even Ronaldo himself was willing to grant. They ignored Sir Alex Fergusons constant statements of 'he is not for sale, we do not want to sell'. Real responded (through Sporting Director Jorge Valdano) by claiming preposterously that United were holding the player 'hostage'. A player that was contracted to United. I don't know how it works in Spain, but in this country it takes multiple parties for a contract to be binding and I think you would have found that Ronaldo's signature was on that contract. So mind your own fucking business Valdano. Besides, Lord knows how the 'hostage' was struggling to survive on that £120,000 a week contract. This whole episode seemed rather rich coming from a team known as Franco's club during Spain's fascist era.

There willingness to ignore United's importance in the world of football annoyed me infinitely and its not just because it's United, it would have annoyed me if they had done it to any other big club like the ones previously mentioned.

I respect Real Madrids history, but I now have nothing but hatred for the cunts and it brings me such pleasure to see them fail, especially on the European stage.

Fuckers. Keep battling for 'la liga' and enjoy watching Barcelona as they are the only club that will match English dominance in the Champions League.

Tossers.

Bob Geldof.

Where do I start with this cunt?

No word of a lie, If I Ran The World I would torture him until he was begging me to end his life. Then I'd release him in the middle of the Sahara. That is how much I hate him.

'Give us your fuckin money.....' Go fuck yourself you tosser, take a few pennies from your own £30m fortune. If I had been a celebrity at the time, I wouldn't have been able to hold my tongue (in the process I would probably have destroyed my own career). Just who the fuck does he think he is? Like a lot of other musicians, his own feeling of self-importance got the better of common sense. He tried to guilt-trip others into feeling they were obligated to give money to the cause. One statement that hits the nail on the head is: 'If I wanna give money to Africa, I will. I don't need to play a show in London with a load of tossers patting each other on the back, then watching their bands sales go through the roof.'.

At the Live Aid and Live 8 events, Geldof played 'I Don't Like Mondays' to open both shows. What a self-involved, self-absorbed piece of shit. Was that just a little reward for himself? Because it cannot have been for the huge audience. If he thought any of them wanted to hear that drivel he is even more deluded then I first thought. It's a shit song. FACT. And it's also his ONLY fucking song. So this just adds weight to my belief that Live Aid/8 was as much for Geldofs ego as it was for the people of Africa.

There are four words I'd love to shout at SIR(?) Bob Geldof, words that I know would hurt him: YOU'RE NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE!

Shut the fuck up and fuck off Geldof. Just FUCK OFF. We're all sick off you.

Rugby Union.

Now this is a very personal issue to me, one that I feel passionate about. So, if you are a fan of this 'sport', I wouldn't read on......

Growing up in a rugby LEAGUE town has no doubt influenced my thinking on this sport. Hull K.R and Hull F.C have established themselves as two of the more historic, traditional and respected teams in the game. They dominated the game in the late 70's and 80's and have re-established themselves in the top flight. In addition to this, the amateur game in the region is regarded as one of the strongest in the country and has been for many years.

However, no matter how much this may have influenced my opinion, it baffles me as to how people can enjoy rugby onion. It is utterly detestable. Not just the sport itself, but the people who play it, coach it and watch it.

I'll lay all my cards on the table now. It is a sport played by extremely limited individuals, who are often fat, slow and soft in comparison to league players. Having made the mistake of watching union before, or being made to watch it, it often looks like these blithering idiots would rather be having a fucking orgy with each other.

Union enthusiasts will tell you that their game if far more tactical than league. BULLSHIT. Putting it simply, it's just fucking boring. I'd rather go out drinking with John fucking Major, even that would be more of a laugh. What union people do not understand is that League acknowledges the importance of entertaining the 'paying customer', moving the ball around the pitch with some skill and endeavor to score what we call a "TRY". Union however is one big territorial battle, usually fought out by the two full-backs punting the ball from end to end like a disturbing game of ping-pong played by people with weight disabilities. This horrifyingly boring experience only ends when one of them manages to find that modicum of ability to actually kick the ball into touch.

How 80,000 people can go and watch this turgid shit at 'Twikkers' (Twikkers?!?) every week is beyond me. Watching a group of moronic toffs who weigh 25stone boot a ball back and forth cannot be called entertainment, never mind a sport. All the while, rugby league, a far more  entertaining and free-flowing sport, gets ignored and has to survive on the bones of its arse.

People may say to me 'are you hard enough to play rugby union?', to which i would reply 'maybe not'. Either way, I wouldn't find it that testing to grasp the mentality of the game. 'KICK BALL FAR' being one of them. Also, if I felt like it, i could just rake my studs down some fat bastards back and then hide. Yeah, it's a real hard mans game.

Jonny Wilkinson is a little pussy who can fuck off. Put him in Super League and see how long he lasts. It wouldn't be long, I promise you that. Remember that tackle he made? If you're a rugby league fan you won't because it was  JUST A TACKLE. I remember because it was given relentless coverage on TV. I'd love to see someone like Adrian Morley running at him instead of some lumbering buffoon who's mummy and daddy paid for his Eton education.

Union also represents the huge divide between the north and south, so obviously all the money is in rugby union and it receives substantial backing from the media. I've got good mind to blame that poisonous little woman that used to be in charge of this country. The north is still feeling the affects of that cretinous little urk, even if it is just sport.

If I Ran The World, this so-called sport that is a mockery to the term 'rugby' would be kept solely to the south and well-the-fuck away from TV. 

Craig Bellamy.

This despicable piece of shit can fuck right off.

The fact that Bellamy is Welsh means he immediately starts on the wrong footing with me. He also plays for Manchester City and counts Liverpool among his former clubs. One of the only things that could make my bias against this piece of scum any stronger is if he played for Leeds. With his acidic personality and repulsive attitude, it is very surprising that he never has played for the white shite. He'd fit in well there.

I'll make this clear now: he's a very good player, top quality without a doubt. But his attitude is disgraceful and there have been many occasions (and i'm sure there will be many more) when I have wished serious pain upon him. He would need serious help if I was on the same pitch as him. I am not claiming to be a hard man at all, but such is my hatred towards him, I wouldn't be able to control my anger.

Walking around with a constant snarl on his face, like a lot of footballers Bellamy thinks he's as hard as nails and everyone else is just a piece of shit on his shoe. However, again like most footballers, Bellamy is all mouth and is most likely a soft little bastard who could cause an argument in an empty room. Without football, I think it would be pretty easy to predict where Bellamy would be. I'll leave that to your imagination, but i think you can guess where I was heading with that one.

My rant may sound like jealousy. Maybe it is. Like I said, he's a top-quality footballer with talent that I could only dream of. And a huge salary to go with it. However, with talent and status comes responsibility. So, I don't think smashing one of your team-mates up with a golf club and getting arrested on numerous occasions (including one for allegedly striking a woman in a nightclub) is a good example to set for young aspiring footballers who no doubt look up to wankers like Bellamy when he's playing for their team. (I am aware of the fact that Bellamy is not the only footballer with a less-than-clean image)

So, I have come to the conclusion that If I Ran The World, he would be sent to live in a rats nest where he belongs. Or back in the fucking valleys. Lord knows that would be punishment enough for me.

Glee.

If I ran the world.............these bastards would be dealt with brutally. A fucking bloodbath. What a disgusting, rancid sack of shit this show is.



It truly baffles me how people can watch this without being sick. They covered 'Imagine' for gods sake, showing nothing but ignorance as to what that song means to people's memory of John Lennon and what the song meant to Lennon himself. These pathetic little shits murder this song and many others, too many to mention. Plus I don't have a bucket at hand and I don't think I could make it to the toilet in time to deal with the projectile vomit.

It astonishes me, the serious lack of scruples that some of these American shows have. The songs that they cover is what hurts me the most. The show itself is shit, no doubt about that. Thats no surprise though, because it ain't the only one. The songs covered though. My God. It really does damage my faith in the human race when parasites like this can gain any form of popularity, let alone the worldwide fame that these cunts have achieved. The songs do not sound good. The arrangements are fucking awful. Vocals are horrendous. Typically American way of getting something like this to work: 'Lets take a wonderful, heartfelt song that is clearly very personal to the songwriter, add a thick layer of cheese and then rape it visciously.

I would love to meet the makers of this show. Not just so I could take out some of my anger on them. I would actually give them a chance to answer some questions, just so there could be some clarity. But I fear that the answers would not make me happy.

CUNTS.

That is all.


(for more reading on this subject, look up http://slangers-gmg.blogspot.com/)

Ashley Cole.

If I Ran the world..............this tosser would have to be dealt with. Given that it is World Cup year, I would be willing to postpone any punishment until after that. However, this silly person needs his attitude sorting out.

There is absolutely no doubt that he is an incredibly talented footballer, one of the best defenders in the world and his presence at the world cup will be vital to our chances. Having said that, he typifies a lot of things that are wrong with todays footballers. He has that 'i don't give a shit who you are, I'm Ashley Cole and I earn £120,000 a week' attitude. For instance, take a look at his recent court case due to his speeding (103mph in a 40mph zone). He used the age old celebrity excuse of 'the paparazzi were chasing me' and suprisingly enough the judge did not believe him. He duly banned him from driving for 6 months and fined him approximately £1000 plus court costs (£300). Cole's lawyer then requested 'time to pay'. TIME TO PAY. He has the nerve to ask for time to pay, earning what he does. I would have thrown him in prison there and then, telling him he would be released as soon as the fine was paid.

Then there is the situation with his soon-to-be-ex wife. Cheryl is astonishingly fit and seems like a nice person, but ends up with a twat like him. I don't really need to say much on this subject other than: 'Who in the right mind would cheat on her?' Ashley Cole would, because he thinks he can get away with whatever he wants.

TOSSER.

Football Commentators and Pundits.

If I ran the world................there would be a serious upheaval in commentary and punditry, especially on terrestrial tv. John Motson needs to go home, he talks nothing but utter shit for most of the game that he is commentating on. A lot of the time he is just plain wrong, which to me is unforgivable. It shouldn't be a difficult job if you do your research. In a game he commentated on last season, he got Park Ji-Sung mixed up with Cristiano Ronaldo. Now even if you don't know much about football, I don't think I need to tell you that these two are not in the slightest bit similar, other than they both have heads. As for the pundits.........Mark Bright? Andy Townsend? Robbie Earle? Lets get a load of players who achieved absolutely jack shit in the game and let them say how Sir Alex Ferguson, Arsene Wenger and Fabio Capello should have done it differently. Sky should be allowed to monopolise football, things would be so much better that way.